Awkward Things I Say To Girls


IT ALWAYS SEEMED LIKE THE RIGHT THING TO SAY AT THE TIME

“I like talking about emotions”

It’s Saturday night. I’m on the patio of a sports bar with lots of people from a sports league I play in, including the devastatingly cute girl on one of the teams we played against that day.

By the point of the evening, I already have her phone number (suspend your disbelief, I guess), but for some reason alarms aren’t going off in my mind to get out, run, you can only make things worse.

So I start talking to her again a bit later as we pay our tabs. She kind of looks embarrassed, and says uh, listen, Justin, the thing is, I gave you my number, but really, I have this ex-boyfriend of 7 months who I just broke up with and who I am kind of maybe trying to get back together with, so, you know, did you give me your number? No? Well maybe you can call me, and I’ll call you if things don’t really work out with that guy. Is that okay? Is that awkward?

So I’m thinking: right. There’s the other shoe dropping, as it seems to always. Which is cool – I never expected this girl to actually want to go out with me. Frankly, I was just super proud of myself for seeing a heart-stoppingly cute girl and not missing the opportunity to ask for her number.

So I say no, that’s not awkward. It’s cool. I understand. It happens. No big deal. And she said good, you know, it’s kind of an emotional thing. So by the point I’m slightly tipsy, looking into her eyes is pretty much taking all of my attention, and I hear myself, as if from a distance, saying:

“Actually I like talking about emotions.” I take her hand. It’s limp and cold and probably wondering what the hell is happening. “It’s a thing I enjoy.”

“…”

I’m unstoppable. That’s the first entry in the blog, but that’s not the first awkward thing I ever said to a girl. Oh, no. Expect regular updates to this blog – if I haven’t said an awkward thing to a girl lately (because, I guess, I haven’t opened my mouth) then I’ll be uploading some old classics, like “I need more of you in my lifestyle” and the ever-popular “They have beds.” Check back soon.

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