Awkward Things I Say To Girls


“Are you saying things to me?”

I’m typing this post from my old bedroom on Christmas Eve. There is an awkward thing that I will get to later on, but first there are two things I want to mention about how my blog is going these days. Sometimes I wonder if I can keep this up for much longer. I mean, I have to run out of things to talk about, right? Then I remember these two facts:

  1. I have a list of old awkward things I want to get to someday, but it keeps getting longer as I think of a thing to write about more than once a week.
  2. I’m running a backlog of current awkwardness, too. I have 3 or 4 (actually, probably half a dozen) stories from the past week alone that I will have to mete out over the month of January, unless something else good comes along. We can play it by ear, you and I.

And, hell, if worst comes to worst and I start dating someone and have nothing new to write about on Mondays, I am still toying with the idea of serializing that feature-length Awkward Adventure I’ve alluded to a few times. I mean, my friends sure know that I never get tired of telling that story.

Wait. Who am I kidding? If I start dating someone, this will become a daily blog. Anyhow, here’s your Monday awkwardness, because, baby, you know I treat you right.

Imagine that there are seven friends sitting around playing a board game. We’re all chatting happily, enjoying the good company, awash in the good feelings you get spending time with good friends during the holiday season. There’s a contented, excited buzz of conversation floating about the room. Everyone is having a noisy good time.

Now imagine that, all at once, everyone finishes what they’re saying and there is a lull of silence. Well, there’s a lull of silence for everyone but me. (Imagine that.) I had turned to the girl sitting next to me to look into her eyes and say, over-loud in the sudden conversational vacuum:

“Are you saying things to me?”

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