Awkward Things I Say To Girls


“Are you ticklish?”

For the first time (that I know of), I’ve decided to write about an awkward thing I said to a girl who reads this blog. I was pretty nervous about how she’d take it, and plus this is probably the most embarrassing thing I’ve ever posted, so I called her to talk to her first.

I bet you’d like to listen in, wouldn’t you? Fine, twist my arm. Here’s what I remember of the interesting part.

“Listen, a few weeks ago when I visited you and stayed at your dorm . . .”

Timeout. Yes, I said dorm. But she’s a senior. That’s all I’m going to say about that. Okay, time in.

“. . . I did something awkward that I want to write about on my blog.”

“What?” I think that’s what she said. She might as well have said, “Which one?”

“Well, the thing was, I thought you were adorable and cute, and I wanted to increase the amount of physical contact that was happening, so, that’s why I tickled you, and I think it’s funny, so I’m going to write about it if that’s okay with you.”

Seriously. I’m 25 (and a half) years old. I work in middle management for a Fortune 200 company. I like football and beer, and over the summer I grew an outstanding beard, if I do say so myself. I know that tickling is a super amateur move once you are out of, oh, kindergarten.

But three weeks ago, there I was, getting ready to go to sleep on the floor of this girl’s dorm room. I think it was the second night I spent there. I thought about how cute she was, and how nice of a girl she was, and how I wanted to flirt with her more, and before I could think about it I reached over, (very rudely, you could say) poked her in the side, and asked:

“Are you ticklish?”

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