“How old are you?”
“Hey! Dudes, seriously. Take a look at those girls in that lane. They are so hot.”
I mean, sure. I guess I’ll buy that. The girls in question were, in fact, bowling in the lane next to us. “Us” represented a thrown-together conglomeration of probably a dozen medium-level acquaintances and good friends, out for a fun night of drinking and bowling. There were about as many guys as girls, although the girls were paying attention to each other, or at least pretending better. The guys were gathered around the beer, doing what guys do.
When it comes to bowling, I’m usually good for a solid 75, and occasionally if I get hot I can crack triple digits. On this day, I think I bowled a 17. Seriously, I’m just saying, bowling alley bars should be illegal. If you make us wait 45 minutes for a lane, then charge $3.50 for a pitcher, how are we expected to retain the ability to maneuver our own thoughts, let alone bowl? I drink classy beer because I am a snob, so I generally don’t expect $5 of beer to make me wasted.
So: hot girls. We (the guys) were looking over there, and, seriously, they were cute girls, don’t get me wrong, but they definitely weren’t making me put my beer down immediately so I could go figure out their respective scenes.
But I mean, I was listening empathetically while my friends slash acquaintances insightfully broke down the situation in scintillating detail.
“Seriously, dude, those girls are so hot.”
“True. Especially the brunette one.”
“I don’t think so, dude. The blond one is way hotter.”
“You guys are crazy. Those girls are, like, 17.”
Oh no he didn’t. All of the guys immediately stop talking and look over to consider the data in light of this new hypothesis.
By the way, this is pretty much the death knell in the hearts of college guys. “She is, like, 17,” is pretty much the executive branch equivalent of Congress not funding your war. Sure, you could go ahead anyway, but what the hell are you going to do? Everyone’s going to make fun of you. You’re going to have to, at least, try a different strategy.
So we instantly sprung into debate to try and settle this crucial question. Some said 17, and others said 19. The rhetoric was eloquent and the argument vigorous. Suddenly, I had a great idea, and spoke up for the first time:
“Why don’t you just ask them?”
Silence. “Uh, what? I’m not doing that.”
What? Why not? “I mean, if you want to know so badly, that’s what you ought to do. Ask them.”
“No way man.”
Well, if you want a job done right, and so forth. “Okay, fine. I’ll do it.”
At this point, we need to pause and deal with a matter of business that has become pressing. Here it is:
Don’t look at me that way.
I’m serious. This is legitimate. I have 25 year old friends that look 13. When I worked for restaurants, I carded 36 year old women that appeared 19. Conversely, have you seen what the kids are wearing these days? How am I supposed to know who’s what age? It’s better to know the answer than to guess.
Okay, unpause. So I walked right over to the girls, sat down, and it was much worse than I could have ever imagined in my wildest dreams.
“Hi! So, listen, my friends and I think you two are really cute, so, we were wondering: how old are you?”
The girls giggled in stereo. “How old do you think we are?”
“Uh, well, I think you’re 18, and you, well, you look 19. Yeah?”
Giggle supernova. “We’re actually 14!”
January 31st, 2007 at 1:18 pm
well good thing you asked!
January 31st, 2007 at 9:29 pm
Eeeeek- that’s really creepy! Whose parents let them dress like 19 year-olds when they’re still in their early teens?? Bet your friends felt a little dirty when they heard that piece of information…
January 31st, 2007 at 10:57 pm
What bowling alley were you at, again?
February 1st, 2007 at 6:58 am
Well, anyway, 14-year-olds would find anything you say awkward, because they are 14-year-olds, and that’s what 14-year-olds do.
I once saw a 15-year-old in a piercing studio. I knew she was at most 15 because they didn’t pierce under 16. I would have guessed that she was older than me.
February 1st, 2007 at 9:06 am
D: A bowling alley in Cleveland.
OG and GN: Exactly.
L: There’s really no good kind of being drunk and talking to 14 year old girls at a bowling alley, honestly. But I really appreciate you being on my side!
Also L: I was actually wondering how this story would strike you. From what I heard when I was in Europe, teenagers aren’t viewed as children as much as they are in America. I mean, I was totally weirded out by the 18 year old in Vienna that was hitting on me just a few months ago when I was 25, but apparently that’s not so much a ridiculous age gap over there.
February 1st, 2007 at 11:01 am
Probably, yes. At 18 you’re viewed as an adult here, more or less. (Even if 18-25 is quite a gap)
When I was in the States I shared the house with a (pretty rich) 60 year old lady. She said several times that she’d never share her house with American students our age (21). For her, it was an important point that we were foreigners, because apparently, she believes them to act more grown-up at the same age. (I can’t really judge because all people I met there were 25 and above)
I guess it also has to do with the different attitude/laws towards alcohol and sex. Like in Germany, you can get totally shit-faced on beer as a 16 year old - and that’s perfectly legal. In France, the legal drinking age for all kinds of alcohol is 16, and I think in Austria, too. You just get to do certain things earlier, because they are not viewed as THE DEVIL itself (which was my impression in the States).
So imagine how totally weirded out I was when I had to show my passport all the time in the States to get alcohol or get into bars. (Apparently, I do look like my age)
Where did you go, apart from Vienna?
February 1st, 2007 at 1:29 pm
What was your exit strategy? “I think you two need to go to dinner.” The worst part was probably that they both bowled higher than a 17.
February 1st, 2007 at 2:07 pm
If you must know, my first instinct was, “This is bad, but it’s worse if they’re in middle school.” That was, honestly, my first thought. So the first thing I say is:
“Are you at least in high school? Because that makes it less bad.”
Which, by the way, is 100% false. That’s like a monumental error in judgement. There’s no better version of this, like I said above.
They were in high school, though. So my next thought is:
They didn’t drive here. A parent did. I’m about to get my ass kicked by a huge dad. Oh no! Self preservation kicks in:
“Oh no, are your parents here?”
Holy hell, now that I think about that, you could take that question another way entirely. But I swear, I was scared to death about getting smacked around by a dad with a gun rack in his truck. Fortunately for my ability to have teeth, the answer was no.
Eventually I DID walk away. But after that, every time I went up to bowl, I had (a) all of my friends and (b) two ridiculous girls making fun of me. It was kind of humiliating.
February 1st, 2007 at 2:08 pm
Oh god that’s uncomfortable. I’m 25 and I had a guy come up to me once and say “hi, I’d love to go out with you if you’re over 14.” Creepy.
February 1st, 2007 at 2:38 pm
I started pretending I was 18 at about 13. Let’s just say that I look pretty much the same as I have since high school… I just have a little more curve and a little different haircut. I had a fake ID at 15… lol… my guy friends called me jailbait.
These girls were pretty polite to tell their actual age! I thought all little girls were lying about that this day in time!
PS - I love drunken bowling… I actually get better by the pitcher… well, until about 3… then it’s all downhill from there
February 23rd, 2007 at 1:00 pm
MJ is full of shit. she’s wasted after one pitcher. i’ve seen her in action.
(sorry. getting back at her for leaving a comment like that on my blog. she’s not a lightweight or a lush or anything like that.)
ahem.
dude. that’s sick and wrong.
but i can’t give you a hard time about it–lots of these girls now dress MUCH older than their age. at least you asked.
July 10th, 2007 at 12:57 pm
You should have just made them feel awkward in return. Tell them you are a part of some secret agency?
August 26th, 2007 at 3:32 am
XDDD awkward moment!!
14?! Hahaha! Crazy lil girls!
September 2nd, 2007 at 4:00 pm
I’m just glad they told you their real age. Too many girls would lie and say they are older than they really are, and get you in trouble. There’s no way to know unless you look at their driver’s licenses, assuming they even have one. (In your case, they didn’t.)
Speaking of which, I have another question about the age-old “how old are you?” question. I belong to a blog site where people have a shoutbox to leave comments. I’ve noticed a lot of teenage girls and boys frequent the site. I am much older, but because I’m there for an interest in a subject matter (comics, gaming) that usually younger people are more attracted to, I find myself annoyed at questions like “How old are you?” I don’t feel like giving my true age because I’m there to talk about the subject matter, not about my personal life. I could answer, “Old enough to own a home, be your parent, have a job, etc. … ” “instead of talking about my latest crush and the last time I went to the mall.”
I don’t know a good answer to that question. I’m not there for a contest in how many comments one can leave in a shoutbox. I find these teenagers want to be friends and they don’t even know who they are becoming friends with. It’s a competition for how many friends one can acquire and how many shoutbox comments one can acquire. Older people don’t ask “How old are you?’ But teens do. And I don’t want to have a conversation in which I have to answer the question, “How ru??”
I don’t want to be dishonest, but I think it’s a nosy question, something a teenage girl wouldn’t understand. What is the best answer? “None of your business.” “I really don’t feel like answering that question.” Or, “Older than you.” I could post my real age, to drive away those whom I would rather leave me the hell alone, but then it takes away the anonymity and the fun of being on a website without people knowing my age. I’m there to discuss G-rated material, a mutual interest/hobby, not get into the personal details of anyone’s life.
So, not to hijack your thread, but I’m curious, what is your thought on how to respond to a teenaged girl asking an older woman how old she is? When that older woman herself is sensitive about her age? This has been bugging me.
And for your situation, I’d card them next time!
September 19th, 2007 at 10:54 am
Reminds me of the time when I was 15 and we were at a bar, drinking some afternoon coffee. And some guys 30+ were discussing how hot the waitress was. So I looked at that waitress. Turns out, she was my classmate….she’d just turned 15. Then again, If I say I am 24 everybody believes me, even if I am really 16. So, you’re not the only one :D
November 13th, 2007 at 11:12 pm
I have a friend who is 15 and she is going out with an 25 yr old. He lives with her and her mum. her mum loves him around and doesn’t see any mater with the age.
June 10th, 2008 at 2:37 am
yeah if i were you i wouldn’t even ask unless your positive there at least 20 but then again we wouldn’t have these hilarious moments from you now would we?