Awkward Things I Say To Girls


Oscars Awkwardness

It’s a cold, snowy, Sunday evening in Cleveland 7 years ago. Since no one I know is nearly as interested in the Academy Awards as I am, I decide to go watch it in the dorm common room, where I know a bunch of other people (who I don’t know) will be.

So, just imagine the situation. There I am, sitting on one end of a stupid uncomfortable dorm couch. There’s a cute girl sitting on the other end, and various other people are scattered about. All I really remember about the girl was how adorable she was, mouthing the words to “You’ll Be In My Heart” as Phil Collins sings away. So, I lean over, and say . . .

Well, you’ll just have to guess for yourself what I said, since I honestly can’t remember. I don’t think I asked her out or complimented her, but I’m pretty sure I was trying to be funny. All I remember is that she told me to shut up. Hey, use your imagination – we know each other well enough at this point. I’m sure you can get pretty close.

What I will not leave you in doubt about are my choices for each of the 24 categories of Academy Award. I have a bet on with Ross, Val, and Susan, because, apparently, going 8-25 against the spread on bowl games and the NFL conference championships wasn’t enough losing for me. I have decided to get crushed by my friends in an Oscar pool, too.

The Departed: Picture, Director, Adapted Screenplay

Dreamgirls: Supp. Actress (Hudson), Supp. Actor (Murphy), Song (Listen), Sound Mixing, Costumes

Pan’s Labyrinth: Foreign Language Feature, Makeup, Art Direction

The Queen: Actress (Mirren)

The Last King of Scotland: Actor (Whitaker)

Little Miss Sunshine: Original Screenplay

Cars: Animated Feature

Pirates: Visual Effects

Notes on a Scandal: Score

Children of Men: Cinematography

Babel: Editing

An Inconvenient Truth: Documentary Feature

Letters from Iwo Jima: Sound Editing

West Bank Story: Live Short

The Blood of Yingzhou District: Documentary Short

Lifted: Animated Short

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