Being rejected is fantastic. Seriously.
This one kind of amazed me when I figured it out, like 6 months ago, when I was still single.
So, assume you’re single. Hold on. First, let me say that the following is a plausible yet hypothetical situation inspired by, like, my entire freaking website, including the posts that are nothing but a twinkle in my notepad file. This hasn’t happened to me. Yet. Keep this in mind.
Assume there is a guy or girl, depending, that you desperately want to talk to. Say, you’re, I dunno, in the laxative aisle at the drug store and this incredibly smoking-hot person is just achingly close to you in the worst way. Your two choices are obvious: do nothing, or say something. We will exclude any alleged choices that could involve eventual incarceration.
Let’s say you do nothing, which is probably, honestly, what most of us would do, most of the time. You’re going to maybe vascillate a bit and try to think of the perfect thing to say, but by then it’s too late. Immediately and for at least the next week you will feel bad and daydream about what you could say if you had another chance.
Alternately, assume you decide you don’t give a crap (ha!), walk right over to the other side of the laxative aisle, and say,
“Look, I’d like to be a lot more regular about calling you up on the phone. Don’t you think you could give me something that could help me with that?”
I mean, if it were me, that’s definitely what I would say, and you know it. Further assume, for the sake of argument, that the cute girl or hot guy, for, you know, whatever reason, responds with something less affectionate, like,
“Um, that was awkward. Like, that was a really weird thing to say.” Which, by the way, is probably close to the worst possible thing that, in reality, should happen to you in a hitting-on scenario. To like a 99% confidence level. I’m sure you folks have some stories.
Even so, that sucked. But here’s how often you think about that girl again: never, unless you decide to share the hilarious story with an incredulously cringing yet adoring public fanbase, the hordes of which you make up but a figment. Instead of a week of moping and daydreaming, now you have a lifetime of a hilarious story. Plus, and here’s the amazing part: you aren’t daydreaming about what you would say anymore, because, how could anything possibly be better than a joke about being regular? Seriously.
After enough awkward things have been said by me, I started to get a sense of which rejections were rejections and which weren’t. I started to learn for myself which ones I cared about, and which I wanted to push harder on. This sentence is mushy, so close your ears and hum if you hate mushiness: I realized that who I cared about was someone who wouldn’t reject me at all, and, well, she didn’t. Ha! Tricked you! The humming does nothing, you can still read anyway!
And, frankly, I realized that not only was it 100% un-scary and preferable in the stupid inspirational-poster way to fail than not to try, young man, but I honestly felt significantly better after being rejected than I did after missing an opportunity. It’s not even close. It’s just that only with talking to cute girls did I have an easy, low-downside, repeatable opportunity to test failure vs. failure to act.
I’m serious. Say more awkward things to girls, if you prefer them, or guys, if that’s your scene. Maybe you’ll learn a little life lesson of your own.
February 23rd, 2007 at 8:39 am
Nicely put. Inspirational. You should get one of those posters like the one with the hanging cat. Tis true, though… what do you have to lose besides a little dignity? Like a starfish arm, the dignity will grow back. Regret sticks around like a hippie in your basement.
February 23rd, 2007 at 9:06 am
I can see the poster now: A guy getting slapped by a girl.
Rejection
———-
What’s a little dignity worth over a good story?
or…
Something along those lines.
I could also see a good one being made from your line about Regret, Matilida.
February 23rd, 2007 at 9:23 am
“Like a starfish arm, the dignity will grow back. Regret sticks around like a hippie in your basement.”
Nice metaphor, Matilda Jane.
February 23rd, 2007 at 10:30 am
i love MJ. this is why she is one of my friends. In real life! she is good at those kinds of things.
so much, in fact, that i have nothing to add here. which is unusual for me.
good advice. i wish more guys followed it.
sometimes, i dig up enough courage to smile and say hi to hotties. but i gotta admit, i’d prefer they approached me.
i would have laughed at the line, btw. that’s good.
February 23rd, 2007 at 11:03 am
Haha, oh Virginia Belle: who says this advice is only for guys?
February 23rd, 2007 at 11:40 am
Being rejected builds character. And ironically, more confidence. But it’s always that first one that’s the hardest!
It’s roll call time - let us know how you did!
February 23rd, 2007 at 12:15 pm
Recently stumbled onto your site. I hadn’t thought about this quite the way you put it.
Given that most of my hit-on opportunities are in the proximity of others that I know…I hesitate for the sake of the on-going teasing for potential rejections.
However, maybe I’ll take more advantage of anonymous hitting-on opportunities.
February 23rd, 2007 at 1:04 pm
Oh! Abbey! I didn’t even write about that part!
I totally know where you’re coming from. I used to feel the same way. But here is a thing I have learned about that: EVERY time I have hit on a girl in front of my friends they have been impressed that I could even walk over and say anything, and they have not teased me at all. Well, almost every time.
Anyway, keep that in mind next time.
February 23rd, 2007 at 3:38 pm
For me, the laxative aisle miight just be a place where I’d act like I was just wandering.
But this post definitely makes me think.
February 25th, 2007 at 10:04 pm
I think you’re right. Because sometimes, rejection leads to wonderful things (read: a handsome, funny man) you wouldn’t ever have expected…
February 26th, 2007 at 4:05 pm
So, you ever, uh, get that constipation problem solved?
February 27th, 2007 at 10:35 pm
That’s why I don’t envy boys… I’ll appreciate the attempts of approach much more now.
February 27th, 2007 at 11:11 pm
BCOL: who says this post can’t apply to you, as a female, just as much?
February 28th, 2007 at 1:56 pm
Justin: Even though we’re in the 21 century, there’s still a natural tendency for guys to be the pursuer, no? Yes, presumption on my part. I’m a shy little wall flower. Far from ever being a pursuer. So sue me! :o)
February 28th, 2007 at 2:03 pm
Ha! Oh, right. Look at me. You can tell from my archives that I’m a tiger ready to pounce. Heh.
This is interesting to me. I need to think about this a little bit.
April 28th, 2007 at 8:53 pm
Be careful if you do get rejected, talk about it. I didnt, and twelve years later spend three years talking to a phyc. Talking is the answer.
Good luck.
January 8th, 2008 at 3:50 pm
I LIKE this. Such a humorous approach to initiating and approaching response. It is wisdom for girls as much as it is guys, and I, as a woman, have always believed in making things happen. I, in fact, went so far to propose to my husband first (although it was in Spanish, so he was forced to translate) and my girlfriends in high school always drove me nuts with the “OH-we-think-he-is-so-hot-but-we’ll-wait-for-him-to-approach-us”‘ stalemate.
Yours is refreshing because it’s the attitude I wished existed in a lot more people in the dating scene. Not only that, but you’re right about having a story to tell. It is its own therapy in minus-time. Call it superfasttherapy.