I’m too self-conscious to say “love at first sight,” but you can think it if it makes it easier
Part 1: Okay, now you have my attention
Chapter 1
I was sitting in the college newspaper office in August of 2001 waiting for the editorial board meeting to start, when the meteor struck directly through the roof of the student center, pierced my heart, and landed, quietly smoldering, in its own little crater on the dusty off-blue tile floor.
That’s what it felt like. Seeing the underdog football team pull off a miracle win with a crazy trick play. Having a police car turn on its lights and sirens directly behind you.
But all that really happened was that a girl I had never seen before had walked in and sat down across from me.
Imagine the scene: I’m sitting there in the newspaper office in the basement of our student center. It’s messy, because it is a newspaper office. There is a large table off to one side, where a few of us were scattered, excitedly chattering about the beginning of a new year.
Then she walks in, and is introduced as the new copy editor.
I know I’m easily won, but you have to imagine that someone had taken a plaster impression from my dreams and memories and, from component parts, joined together everything that had ever melted me before, even marginally. Hot Copy Editor had brown chin-length hair, big eyes, a cute nose, and a unique sense of style. The overall effect was devastating.
Which brings me to something we need to talk about: in August of 2001, I had a girlfriend.
She was gorgeous herself, with a kind of Eastern European dark-eyed fierce vulnerability. Our relationship at the time was like Czechoslovakia in the early 80s. The mutual economic and political benefits of communism scarcely outweighed the fundamental incompatibilities of the Czech and Slovak peoples, who eventually realized, after regaining democratic power in the Velvet Revolution of 1989, that they would be better off alone. Except, for this analogy to work, you need to pretend that communism is incredibly sexy.
Now, these things happen. When you’re with someone, there are other hot people out there who might compete for your heart: people like Scarlett Johansson and Judi Dench. As long as you’re secure with yourself and your relationship, they can have no hold on you.
But, like Mikhail Gorbachev, this was going to be a different thing entirely.
I didn’t think about any of those things at the time. I didn’t pay any attention to the meeting, and I’m pretty lucky I don’t actively have to think about my lymphatic system or it would definitely have stopped working, because, seriously, who even remembers the lymphatic system anyway.
All I wanted to do was look at her.
February 5th, 2007 at 12:43 pm
I enjoyed the obscure Velvet Revolution reference. Appropriate and hilarious.
February 5th, 2007 at 4:47 pm
“I just got that old fashioned romantic feeling where I’d do anything to bone her…”
February 5th, 2007 at 5:19 pm
That last line. . . doesn’t it feel really creepy to write that? I’m not saying it is, by any means, but like lets say she was reading this here blog. She wouldn’t think it was very communist.
February 5th, 2007 at 7:15 pm
Is it creepy? I guess it is. I just meant that, when I was sitting there across the table from her, I wanted to look at her instead of, like, look at the wall. Or other people.
February 5th, 2007 at 7:16 pm
I mean, what? Have you never had a crush on someone before? Did it make you want to, you know, do some gardening?
Plus, seriously. I talk to girls and then write about it on the internet. We passed the “creepy” threshhold when I registered the domain.
February 5th, 2007 at 8:15 pm
ahh, I love reading your posts!
February 5th, 2007 at 11:58 pm
I think you’ve got a great blog here, if this post is any indication! I’m definitely going to come back to read some more.
Oh, and I got your comment on the Blog-Wide Workout. Welcome to the team! The workout week starts on Friday and ends on midnight Thursdays. I’ll do a roll call on Fridays to see how many workouts you got – our goal is 2-3 times per week, and if you fall short, we send encouragement your way to make the numbers, and if you hit your goal, you get lavish praise from the group. It’s all about accountability, and just signing up was a big step. The week’s halfway over, so I’ll have you signed up for the following Friday’s roll call. Great to have you!
February 6th, 2007 at 11:03 am
It made me want to do the most communistic gardening ever! I wasn’t trying to say you were creepy, or belittle that moment, but I tend to feel a little creepy when I get in that mode.
It’s like you get that feeling and then you think, hey, wait. She doesn’t even know my name. Then you start banging on the table and pointing at your name tag and it’s all downhill from there.
February 23rd, 2007 at 12:42 pm
i didn’t think it was creepy. i thought it was very accurate–that’s what you do when you have a crush on someone. you stare, blatantly.
so is this THE college girl?
i liked the metaphors in the beginning– meteor, police car, etc. very accurate. it feels just like that.
January 8th, 2008 at 2:56 pm
You captured that “first moment” entirely. That’s so exciting! I just found your blog while Googling a search for being disgruntled. This totally cheered me up!!
Yes, if you were staring at her with mouth agape, a pool of slobber on the shoulder, the glazed whites of your eyes, then that would be creepy.
But it wasn’t like that. I didn’t gather creepiness at all. I gathered a person who has relative security in himself becoming instantly trapped (and it is that, because you can’t really get out whether you want to or not) in a moment–THAT moment. The moment of bliss and crushing air all mixed into a single breath. I get it.
New reader here. Can’t wait to read more. And I LOVE the style. You write very well.
January 8th, 2008 at 2:57 pm
SUCH humor! =)
July 5th, 2009 at 8:42 pm
i remember a feeling like that… though my experience was a little different
shortness of breath… even stopped breathing temporarily… heart pounding so hard in your chest it hurts…. but at the same time… feels like time is just standing still and there isn’t anything else in the world….
mine wasn’t caused by the same thing as yours though:P mine wasn’t love at first sight… mine was caused by emotional stress… wasn’t very pleasant:P