Love your blog - it makes me giggle!

Here are things I would say specifically to you:

First, there’s a whole distribution of things below actually saying the words “Lets go on a date!” that extends all the way down to giving someone a smile that you didn’t have to give them. Maybe, for you, that’s a big yet achievable thing. But even that will definitely increase your appeal, if that’s what you are interested in.

“I’ve been working on the premise that if a guy is interested, they’ll make a move.” - this is false, particularly on a short time scale. The percentage for me when I was single was anywhere from 10% up to 50% once I started to write this blog. There are plenty of guys who always hit on all girls they’re interested in, and there are definitely guys who operate closer to a 2%-10% ratio of action/interest. It’s hard to predict. It’s also hard to say which type of guy is best to date - some of the coolest guys I know would NEVER approach a girl at random.

So, what does that mean to you? If you assume that any interested guy would hit on you, that means that nothing you could do would increase your likelihood to get hit on, so it’s best to do nothing. But if you assume that for every guy who hits on you, there’s another out there who just couldn’t muster the courage on that particular day or don’t yet know that they have the interest, you have to conclude that taking the occassional proactive step, however small, would increase your chances to find a guy you’ll really like.

I could do a whole blog post. With graphs. Actually, that’s a fabulous idea.

Then I came out of my shell. But I’m still single.

Ladies, do not be the one who asks a man out. Men like a challenge. If you ask them out, there is no mystery. Way keeps them going is the not knowing. Not knowing if she’ interested, not knowing if she’ll sleep with him.

There’s a reason why men would rather sit in the cold waiting for a deer to cross their path then to have it dropped at their feet already dead. They enjoy and even need the thrill of the hunt in order to keep them interested.

I’m not certain, but I think we’re talking about two different things, honestly. You can be a challenge and still be proactive. Clinginess is a turnoff to both genders, but confidence is a pretty solid turn-on even for girls, at least for me and from what I’ve observed. If you’ve observed something different, fair enough.

and every post i read, i think, “ok, that one is my favorite so far…”

and um, how cool is it that you know who Elizabeth Bennett is???? Jeez, do you have a brother? one who doesn’t smell like dirty socks?

perfect use of the Star Wars reference, btw. i followed it exactly.

what was my point??? oh yeah.

i don’t hit on guys. S&M pretty much summed up why. but there is another reason: i am looking for the man who cannot live without me. if he doesn’t ask me out, then that means he can live without me. i’m not going to mess with fate and create relationships which were never supposed to exist in the first place. that is what can also lead to marrying someone else’s husband. also, i don’t want anyone to be my pity date. (nevermind that if a guy asks me out, he could be MY pity date. i dont’ do that. i’m honest up front.)

and guys who feel like this (ie, those guys who can’t live without their object of desire) usually bite the bullet and ask women out. i like guys with cojones, and so do most of my girlfriends. i don’t want to be the person to woo. i want to be wooed. maybe i’m just old-fashioned, but i think that men need to take their balls out of their purse and ask girls out. i mean, if they were really interested, wouldn’t they have already done it? you did it, didn’t you, in order to get your current girlfriend? see???

like the chorus in Monty Python’s Quest for the Holy Grail– “Get on with it!!!” is what I want to yell at most guys i have a crush on. and especially when i can tell that they might be interested in me, too. it’s very frustrating when they dont’ just take a deep breath and ask the girl out. sheesh, if guys would ask more, they’d be surprised at how many girls would LOVE to say yes. no pain, no gain, peeps.

i mean, look at my current crush, Hot Neighbor. granted, our interactions over the past 5 months probably total 10 minutes, but still. it’s not like he doesn’t know how to get a hold of me– i live next door, practically. if he wanted me, he would try and talk to me more. so in some ways, i’m giving up.

then again, he did ask another neighbor how old i am……

maybe he’s rusty on dating since he just went through a divorce….

hmmm…

ok, enough soapboxing. don’t get me started on all this. i can go on and on for days. it’s time to go home and see if i can catch Hot Neighbor while he’s still in his driveway at the end of a hard day……

I guess, have you tried it and you ended up with a guy you didn’t like? Are you totally satisfied with the quantity of men you date? Because otherwise, I kind of don’t understand how anything you just said applies to guys and not girls, is my point. Guys find courage attractive, too. Guys like girls who can’t live without them, too. Girls would be surprised how many more dates they get, too, if they just ask.

My girl dropped lots of hints, is one thing. I was nervous, but I knew I wasn’t going in there alone.

Also, I thought the true old fashioned way for women to do things was to make all the decisions anyway, but just allow men to THINK it was their own idea. If that’s true, and you’re just trying to, like, cover up, that’s cool. Just, you know, say a code phrase, like “apple pie” and I’ll get it.

BUT you definitely have me on board for the whole dropping hints thing. which i will DEFINITELY do with Hot Neighbor because it’s a good idea. I bet he is thinking he has the following strikes against him:

1. he’s older than i am (um, probably 10+ years…ish)
2. he’s divorced
3. he’s got 3 kids
4. he’s very rusty on the whole dating thing, since he’s just now again on the market (I guesstimate he was married about 5-7 years.)

when in reality, i don’t give a rat’s ass about any of these things.

SO, i am thinking i need to cut him some slack and start dropping MAJOR hints.

some of the hints will include the following phrases:

1. “i can make lasagna”
2. “you can come over”
3. “watch a movie”
4. “whip cream bikini” (Ok, we both know i won’t say that…)

see? i am flexible. maybe i need to start dropping hints more often. thanks for the inspiration, Justin. :)

apple pie.

Me: Do you have a girlfriend?
Him: No.
Me: Want one?

We dated for about 6 months. He ended up being a controlling person who thought he could tell me what to do and where to go. One day, he told me i couldn’t go to a party ONLY because he couldn’t go with me. That was the last day he was my boyfriend.

So, no, i don’t have the best experiences with asking guys out. Maybe I’m gun shy?

But personally, I prefer when the girl drops those amazing obvious hints and continues to do so until I finally ask her out after I’m completly 1325325% sure. Its the best of both worlds isn’t it? We get the macho male ego boost for being the MAN and asking out the girl, we have a very small fail rate because your almost certain that she will say yes (I once asked a girl if it was ok if i asked her out haha.. she said yes!) and of course the girl reveals that she is attracted to us enough to feel that she has to let us know in some bigger way what we should do without asking us out directly. I think its sexy if a girl drops those not-so-subtle hints towards me.. shows that shes not so shy to let me pass by and that shes interested enough in me to not let me pass by, Us guys may prefer to shoot the animals ourselves, but it certinatly helps when the animal steps out into the clearing for us to be able to see it, not like we have some kind of animal instinct… were guys!

Girls, make the first step when you really want someone!
Ask if you can kiss them, they will say yes.
Kiss them without asking and they will follow you.

Of course, guys are a little surprised by that, but I haven’t met any who didn’t enjoy it, plus they don’t feel threaten in their “male position” but rather flattered.
If you feel confident enough to ask, he will feel confident enough to answer ;)

But I think I’d rather have a guy refuse than eventually let me down during the, like, third date. You know, that crucial moment where, if you haven’t kissed yet, it starts getting painful to not do it? Imagine being told shite like “I’m just not ready for anything right now” or “I’m putting my classes/career first at the moment”.

I’ve recently discovered I’ve actually become immune to that. Yay! On the other hand, it also means I’m having a harder time trusting guys. Ah well. We’ll see where that leads.

Cheers!

Even if the men who said those things to you were rejecting you, they were kind enough to do it gently.