“Do you like science fiction?”
I think it’s time to admit you have a problem after you watch five Veronica Mars episodes in a row. In your underwear. While eating ice cream. On a Friday night.
Actually it’s hot, and I am still wearing the very nice shirt which I happened to wear to work today and which I personally like a lot. Bright colors are the new blue shirt (in my closet, at least). Seriously, I have a lot of blue shirts. But I think we’ve discussed previously how freaking colorblind I am, haven’t we? The sheer cornucopial variety of blue tones attracts me so much more than other stupid boring colors do.
Plus, Friday night is the new Sunday morning. I’ve been going out all week, and last weekend was spent travelling. I’m tired!
Oh wait - is this not a personal blog? Sorry, I forgot. Awkward things I say to girls, right. Okay, fine. Here: I predict you’ll really enjoy this one.
Exactly one week ago I was just arriving at a massive beer hall outside Cincinnati. It was a bachelor party. Imagine a massive wooden table with bench seats upon which danced a dozen twenty-something ex-frat and sorority kids sloshing massive liters of beer around in huge steins, then multiply that by about a thousand, and you’ll have an idea of the scale of what I am trying to describe.
So, in other words, I’m out with the guys, we’re drinking and laughing, people are hitting on each other all around me, and it’s about time my little mourning period ended and hitting on actual real live girls began again. So I say to the guys,
“You know what I really want? A girl who likes science fiction. I want a really nerdy girl. Let’s be honest.”
Then I start to think. Why not just ask?
—
“Hi, are you a bachelorette party?”
Interested, sweet, and slightly suspicious yet enjoying-the-attention grins are flashed at me from around the table, and I hear a chorus of “Yeah, we are!”
“Well, I’m in a bachelor party. Here’s the thing: are any of you girls nerdy at all?”
Interest turns instantly to dismay. Faces fall faster than the French Directory in 1799.
“No.”
“No, sorry.”
One girl shrugs at me and answers hopefully: “My favorite TV show is Jeopardy.”
“Sorry to bother you.” I respond, and retreat to my friends.
—
“Hi, I have a question for you. Do any of you girls like science fiction?”
These three girls are way too cool for me, the bar, and just school generally. They’re leaning against a wall sizing up the room. They are hot in a way that has gone beyond attractive and become un-, because a key element in attractiveness is attainability. I do not voluntarily approach girls like this, ever.
“Excuse me?” one replies.
“Wait! I like Michael Crichton!” chirps another, while the third motions with her hand for me to scurry off.
I ignore Lilly Allen and Pink and respond to the Crichton fan. I mean, it’s been a while since I’ve really been into that guy’s stuff, and I feel like he jumped the shark the same time that Kurt Cobain died, which, when you think about it, is at least eerie and at most tragic. But I can roll with this.
“What’s your favorite book?”
“Actually I like his movies. I don’t really like books.”
Oh. Yeah, this isn’t going anywhere. “Sorry, that’s not good enough,” I say, and I walked away.
—
“Hey. Are any of you girls nerdy?”
I’ve found another bachelorette party. Those are the most fun to talk to.
“Yeah! We’re engineers!”
Be still my heart.
“Wait, do any of you like science fiction?”
“I do!” shouts a cute bridesmaid with short hair. “I like Frank Herbert!”
“Wait, why?” asks another, painfully adorable brunette. “If I don’t read, does that make me not smart?” In my entire life I’ve never seen a girl that empirically attractive feel the need to justify herself to me. But it won’t do any good, because I know she’s not for me.
“No, it doesn’t make you not smart. It just means you won’t like me.”
“We’re all engineers! Isn’t that good enough?” says the bride.
Hold on a second. Back up the tape. Bride, get the hell out of my way. I am not interested in you tonight.
“Wait, you like Frank Herbert?” I say to the cute short-haired one.
“Yeah! I read all of the Dune books!”
At least I’m honest. “Uh, you do like science fiction. That’s never happened before. Now I don’t know what to do.” Say something smart, Justin! “Um, you can come talk to me if you want later.”
But, then, we’ve already established that I am not good at this.
—
There she is.
In the midst of hundreds of raucously tipsy people, in the dimness of the bar’s light hazy with smoke, an absolute vision in thick-rimmed glasses was making her way slowly from right to left towards the bar’s exit. My nerdar and cuteness-dar go simultaneously insane.
The beer in my glass is still sloshing on the table after I’ve caught up with her. She’s spectacular - long brown hair framing a face that betrays a softness and lack of the un-self-conscious composure I swear these other girls must practice in a mirror. I’m not even nervous, strangely.
“Excuse me, can I talk to you?”
“W-what?” she fails to make immediate eye-contact as she peers through the glasses up at me. In the cutest way ever.
“Do you like science fiction, is the thing?”
“Why do you want to know?” Genuine puzzlement. The other girls had known I was trying to get something from them, and they had a pretty good idea what. Not this one. This fact encourages me.
“Because I want to talk to nerdy girls,” I reply hopefully.
Embarrassed, she laughs a little and rolls her eyes. Like, how did you know, you caught me. My heart yells, “Yahtzee!” and swells.
That is, until she looks into my eyes and crushes my hopes. “Oh. I’m sorry. I’m engaged.”
Are all the good nerds already gone?
June 2nd, 2007 at 12:58 am
I sure hope the aren’t!
But then again, in my experiences, yes. Yes they are.
June 2nd, 2007 at 8:27 am
Yay!
June 2nd, 2007 at 9:32 am
once again great… i’ve put up a little “ad” for you on my blog :p
http://core9.net/?p=115
June 2nd, 2007 at 11:38 pm
Awwwwww…call me brutal, but the first thing I thought of was Mortal Kombat…fatality where they just yank the heart out…
Not all nerdy girls are taken…they’re in hiding, trust me, I know…I was there!
June 3rd, 2007 at 1:36 am
I cannot even guess at the number of times I have thought that very thought, and I am only a junior in highschool. Although I seem to have found the perfect girl, she likes Vonnegut and P.K. Dick, but alas I am forever going to be trapped in the “just a friend” category. Why do relationships have to be so freaking convoluted…
June 3rd, 2007 at 11:14 am
Glad your back! Sounds like a whole new tactic you’ve got going on. Umm, maybe you’re now scaring all the cute nerdy ones away by coming on so strong? Just a thought from a not-so-nerdy girl. But I definitely enjoyed the read!
June 3rd, 2007 at 11:26 am
So glad that you are back. I hope for you that all the geeky girls are not taken. Start trolling engineering schools?
June 3rd, 2007 at 2:11 pm
Your blog is great because it’s simple, charming, and so 2007. I even promote it in french ! (link : un garçon qui galère)
June 3rd, 2007 at 7:21 pm
There’s nothing wrong with watching V. Mars under any circumstances ever.
June 4th, 2007 at 12:21 am
We are all socially awkward, and most of us would not go places like a bar unless we were dragged there by friends against our will.
In my case, it seemed like no one realized I was a nerd until after I was married (other than my husband, of course). Perhaps getting married made me less uncomfortable around men? I’m not certain.
June 4th, 2007 at 10:34 am
Talk more about Veronica Mars — I watched a whole season in a weekend! It, however, involved pants.
I can’t comprehend your game plan on this one. Where do you go from establishing the Science Fiction commonality?
‘What do you like about Scifi?’
‘Space.’
‘Oh yeah? Space? I like Space too!’
‘Then give me some.’
‘. . . Oh’
At least, that’s how it would go for me, I imagine.
June 4th, 2007 at 11:19 am
“Yay” “great” “Awwwwww” etc.:
Thanks! You guys are the best.
“I am forever going to be trapped in the “just a friend” category.”
Yeah, it’s a barren wasteland. I’ve been there many times. I got close to escaping, and once I managed to get out for real. It can be done, but you might not be willing to do what it takes.
“Umm, maybe you’re now scaring all the cute nerdy ones away by coming on so strong?” “I can’t comprehend your game plan on this one.”
Hey, I never said it wouldn’t be awkward. Sometimes talking about really random stuff works out. But mostly I was just in a strange city and decided to literally try what I’ve always joked around about using as a line. Don’t worry, I haven’t abandoned my standard policy of getting massive crushes on girls who are actually my friends at exactly the wrong times, and then being scared to death of exhibiting anything approaching actual affection until either we forget about it or the tension becomes unbearable and turns into a stupendously incredible and electricly sweet first kiss. Those just aren’t as fun to write about until the kiss part happens. (see e.g. Awkward Miracle or First Kiss Ever).
“There’s nothing wrong with watching V. Mars under any circumstances ever.” “I watched a whole season in a weekend!”
I know, right?!
June 4th, 2007 at 7:54 pm
Coming from someone who married a nerd… You’ve got to get over your “type”! Men with “types” = men with fantasties way too enormous to withstand long term relationships. Sharing common interests makes for great initial bonding, but introducing each other to new things and new thoughts is way more amazing…if you want to get married eventually, you’re going to want to challenge each other and grow together. Be open!
(Oh my god, I sound like a person I would have hated a few years ago…commence hating me; I sure would have.)
June 4th, 2007 at 9:14 pm
Oh my goodness, don’t worry. Trust me: having a crush on too few girls is definitely not my problem.
June 4th, 2007 at 10:24 pm
I am writing this in my underwear after watching 5 hours straight of red dwarf, so you will get no judgement from me for the Veronica Mars. I don’t even have an “it’s hot out” excuse, I’m just a slob :P. As for the sci-fi pickup line, I’m not convinced it would work even on the geekiest of geek-girls. I don’t have pretentions of true geekery, but it seems the geekier you are the more inventive suitors have to be. For instance, my best friend met her boyfriend in a Neil Gaiman LiveJournal group; now there is a meeting fit for a geek!
June 5th, 2007 at 5:58 am
hah, I love this blog. I used to be just like that, my god I had some similar awkward moments (I once told a girl I’d just met that I’d marry her cat… pfft… I blame alcohol). I’ve since grown my hair long and become a male model, but my geek-dar still operates strongly!
The comment above re: Neil Gaiman LiveJournal Group is hilarious!
Is there a place on this website that links to EVERY blog-post (I dont know the word)? I thought I’d read it from start to finish using the next-post link but then when I clicked “talking about random stuff sometimes works out”, I hadnt read it before…
June 5th, 2007 at 8:33 am
There isn’t one that has all of them. Here’s the first post ever:
http://awkwardthingsisaytogirls.com/2006/10/i-like-talking-about-emotions/
(It is post #3 in the db but it’s the first post. There were some false starts iirc.)
You can check through the archives or look through each category, too.
But, yeah. Good idea.
June 5th, 2007 at 3:27 pm
“Don’t worry, I haven’t abandoned my standard policy of getting massive crushes on girls who are actually my friends at exactly the wrong times…”
Yay!!! Thank You!
June 6th, 2007 at 7:03 am
Where can you meet nerdy girls? How about not at a beer hall. Try the lounge in the Computer Science department! I’d say Physics, since I’m a nerdy physics girl who loves sci fi (Vernor Vinge, anyone?), but there just aren’t as many girls in physics as in comp sci. So there you have it. Seriously, the place to meet nerdy girls is in science department student lounges.
June 6th, 2007 at 9:40 am
Where to meet nerdy girls? In the WoW forums…or almost any gaming site, I’m guessing. The 2.0 way to meet someone is starting to get less and less taboo these days anyway.
I used to hang around the arcades (this was when I was a fresher in uni) and the editing room or the ever so popular computer lab. Whenever I felt the need for good old-fashioned paper, I’d go to Chapters and there wasn’t a book or magazine that didn’t have anything that could be plug/programmed/homebrewed/hacked on the cover. Yes, I’m picky that way.
June 7th, 2007 at 8:12 am
I’m often attracted to nerdy guys so I like to think they’re out there - but sometimes it feels like my chances are only slighter better than the likelihood of finding a baguette stand at a Gluten Intolerance Convention.
P.S. Would love to hear your thoughts on the latest mini-edition of Courting Predicament.
June 7th, 2007 at 6:50 pm
Great blog! My girlfriend and I are both engineers and can totally relate. One of the greatest things about cute nerdy girls is that they are usually totally oblivious to how hot they are. I was recently in Vegas with my girlfriend and noticed a lot of guys were checking her out, but she was completely unaware. When I asked her about one particular incident, she replied, “Nope, I didn’t notice him at all. I was looking at that girl over there and wondering about the tensile strength required for her bra.”
I love it when she talks nerdy.
June 8th, 2007 at 5:37 am
This post in addition to the dozen other good things I’ve heard about this series from other random sources makes me even more interested in my unwatched first disc of Veronica Mars from Netflix sitting on my coffee table… which I may watch a portion of tonight, a Friday night. Hooray, nerding out after a long week.
June 11th, 2007 at 6:24 pm
Sir, you sum up my awkwardness beautifully. I want to kiss you (in a purely heterosexual manner)
June 20th, 2007 at 11:50 pm
i know what it’s like to be geeky and good looking
the geeks at school won’t let me play dnd with them
the jocks look down my shirt
‘it’s anoying
also, nerdy boys are much esyer to find
good luck
July 29th, 2007 at 1:23 am
as a nerdy girl (slightly less nerdy on the outside since i accidentally dropped my laptop on my glasses, and decided to go without till i can find the perfect pair), i’ve got to say that i prefer when a guy comes on strong and to the point. not wierd, creepy, stalker strong and to the point. just a direct way of letting me kno that u heart nerds too.
July 29th, 2007 at 1:30 am
speaking of “i heart nerds”. once in my first year of college i went to check my grades for chemistry and this guy who always sat in the back of the class got a 94. our eyes met through each other’s black plastic rimmed lab goggles, and without thinking, i blurted out
“you got an A in thermodynamics AND organic chem?….that…is…so SEXY.”
unfortunately he had a girlfriend… so we didnt get to b lab partners…. sigh… true story
August 22nd, 2007 at 3:45 pm
I had to read sections of that to my husband. It made me go “aww!”
In the name of nerdy girls everywhere, I wish you luck.
September 29th, 2007 at 5:10 pm
I know the beer house you’re talking about.
The nerds (that would be me) are usually outside in the corner. Or at someones house playing Settlers of Catan watching Firefly.
My favorite genre is science fiction. I’m usually embarrassed to admit that.