Q & A
Gyaaaahah!!!! Jeez, man, write something!!!
—Everyone
Okay. You didn’t want to do any work today anyway. But rather than fire directly into Part 4 of an ongoing story or take a shot at transcribing any pent up awkward things of which I have several, let’s do a long-overdue Q&A mailbag. The rules: questions, comments, insults, and search keywords that someone used to find the website will be in bold. The silken lyrics of forgotten love songs, which may or may not be awkward, will be in regular type.
It is not is surprise to see that quirky yet relatable blogs like Awkward Things I Say To Girls ran away with Funniest Blog and Most Addicting Blog…
—Jon Baliles
The nice thing about Q&A blog posts is that I get to pick any Q I want, including ones that Alex Trebek would never allow. Especially ones that are not in the form of a question and talk about how awesome I am. Thanks to all of you who nominated and voted for me in the first Richmond Blog Awards. Your check and autographed picture should arrive in the mail shortly. In the meantime, I have begun to wear a name tag that says “Hello, I am the funniest, most addicting man in Richmond” whenever I go to a bar to hit on girls. It isn’t awkward at all.
Congratulations to all of the rest of the winners also. I’m proud to be a part of the diverse and maturing Richmond Blog scene.
If I’m in the friend zone, why does she flirt with me?
—Search term
She flirts with you because you’re a fun person to flirt with and she likes the attention, and maybe because you’re misreading the situation and she wants to go out with you. Which brings me to something I’ve been meaning to post for a while. Those especially committed procrastinators who have any sort of maternal or paternal mentoring-type feelings stirring deep inside themselves, assuming they’re sure it isn’t morning sickness or indigestion, respectively, may want to click on over to the comments section of what has become one of the most popular posts on the site, pageview wise: Getting Out of the Friend Zone: The Easy Way.
Those of us who have commented there have become a close bunch, like an organized crime family who has also travelled cross-country in a van. But there are unanswered questions, such as “how” and “what if.” There are feelings oozing out of the confining rectilinearity of the “submit comment” box. For some reason, feelings seem to hit my readership right in its wheelhouse.
When’s the book version coming up?
—jesstagirl
When I get paid to write, you will get your book. In the meantime you get INAD chapters whenever I can anesthetize myself enough to perform the necessary autovivisection. For example, I wrote one of the more recent chapters after seeing The Notebook, which I don’t want to talk about for emotional reasons except to say, with a controlled expression and distant stare, that it reminded me of something. You also get some facts. Here they are:
- INAD is about 15,000 words so far in total, which I hear works out to be 60 pages.
- The entire story has five parts, of which I have completed three.
- I think there are 16 more chapters between the remaining two parts.
- Writing it out helps.
“Could you have another chance after you rejected a guy?”
—Search term
Almost all of my high-pressure adolescent girl-related moments were accompanied by the vivid sensation of falling. “Will you go to the Eighth Grade Dance with me?” I asked the tall, quiet, and smart girl that I happened to have a huge crush on when I had just turned 14. I couldn’t support my body, though, so even though an early growth spurt had kept me lanky, I found myself looking almost up into her eyes from a half slouch against the wall of the cafeteria next to the little school-supply store where you could buy pencils and notebook paper during lunch.
“No.” By the tenth grade, girls had started to append an apology to the ends of their rejections, but I guess eighth graders hadn’t learned that yet. I didn’t even feel that bad about it though. I just picked myself up off the wall and went on with my lunch, running through my backup options.
But I didn’t need them after all. “Hey Justin,” said the girl in sixth period science class. “Some people are going together to the dance in like a group. I mean, you can come with me to that if you want. Do you want to?”
I don’t mind if I do, I thought, and wondered idly how awesome I was to have convinced her to un-reject me. I did all the date things, like giving her a corsage that matched her dress and dancing with her a few times. But after the stiffest dances I’ve ever danced with any girl it was undesirably clear, like a Filipino Monkey transmission into my brain, that she had no interest in me after all and that my inclusion in the group, while not unappreciated by others (who danced with me multiple times), had more to do with the immutable set theory of dance-date monogamy than with the girl actually, like, liking me.
That wasn’t the first time that kind of thing happened to me, and I’m sure lots of guys have similar experiences. This makes us wary. But if I ask someone out, I did it because I was interested in them, and interest has a way of not fading as quickly as you’d want it to.
So, uh, the answer is “Yes.” Sorry. I guess that was a parable.
Are you awkward?
—Search term
Yes. Yes I am.
January 16th, 2008 at 8:11 am
Yay! Reading your entries is always sweet, sweet relief from dissertation work. I think I’ll inject this one straight into my eyeball. :)
January 16th, 2008 at 11:31 am
To your knowledge, have any of the Awkward Things Girls (girls in your stories) ever read the blog? How’d that pan out?
January 16th, 2008 at 1:39 pm
Why don’t you ever say awkward things to guys? Or do you have a second blog that we don’t know about?
January 16th, 2008 at 2:30 pm
Yay, you’re still alive! I’m anxiously awaiting your next installment of awkwardness! :-)
January 17th, 2008 at 5:07 am
Cool. The threats worked. Huzzah!
January 17th, 2008 at 1:26 pm
Is a new installment of INAD coming? The tourture of waiting is slowly sucking away my soul…bit by bit.
January 20th, 2008 at 5:13 pm
Are there any blogs complementary to ATISTG, such as, ATIS To Boys? I could start an entire new era of blogging THOSE moments.
See, the thing is is I’m not awkward. Not at all. I’m… well… how would call it? Funny. I know all there is to know about making boys laugh. And creating such enamored, swept-away responses like single arched eyebrows and lips pursed into an “O” of utter contemplation.
But I relent. It’s much more hilarious to read from a guy’s perspective.
January 22nd, 2008 at 12:02 pm
It’s about time.
January 23rd, 2008 at 6:54 pm
I’d say it’s about DAMN time. …but I haven’t updated in over a month. erlack. glad you seem to still be breathing.
January 26th, 2008 at 9:33 pm
The wait for the next chapter in INAD is killing me!
January 28th, 2008 at 9:20 am
Ah. The classic search term; “Are you awkward.”
Well done, Awkward Boy, on your well deserved win.
February 5th, 2008 at 11:42 pm
Still waiting…
February 23rd, 2008 at 10:25 pm
A good friend of mine loves your blog because he is the French Canadian version of you. Recently, however, he followed your advice (i.e. FOE), turned his girl friend into his girlfriend and now I don’t see him anymore (but remain happy for him & his new-found happiness). This means I don’t get to hear about the awkward things he says to girls anymore, and THAT’S why I desperately need you to start blogging again…
February 25th, 2008 at 6:25 pm
…
March 3rd, 2008 at 1:08 am
jimsotonna…
jimsotonna dropped by…
March 4th, 2008 at 10:43 pm
i’ve unrejected someone before. But it was not on purpose. I think they tricked me… on a lighter note, check out my blog please.
March 14th, 2008 at 8:42 am
Have you forgotten us? Two months without a post?
March 18th, 2008 at 6:32 pm
GAAAAHHHHHH!!! Over three months since the last INAD update. Don’t you love your loyal blog followers anymore. :-(
March 20th, 2008 at 6:16 pm
For god’s sake… give us something.
March 20th, 2008 at 11:02 pm
Please post as soon as you find time.
March 24th, 2008 at 3:45 am
i bet you have a new girl… and she is completely rocking your world to the point of which you dont even go online anymore.
March 31st, 2008 at 6:44 am
I love your blog, man. I can’t wait for an update!
April 4th, 2008 at 2:11 pm
I found this website like an hour ago, and I just can’t stop reading. Nice job, you got yourself another reader. I don’t mind that the website hasn’t been updated for a while, I’ve got loads to catch up on anyway. ^^
I hope there will be more, though. :)
Cheers,
Ivana
April 10th, 2008 at 5:00 am
those are some killer search terms :-)
April 10th, 2008 at 9:04 pm
*knocking on glass*
Hello…..?
Is anyone still there?
Are you OK?
Can we help you bring in some groceries or something to help you find your computer quicker?
April 13th, 2008 at 9:50 pm
Where have you gone? We miss you and HCE.
April 21st, 2008 at 2:28 pm
We can’t wait any longer for an updateeeeee!
April 21st, 2008 at 8:38 pm
what the heck
April 23rd, 2008 at 1:15 am
I just happened to stumble upon this website today and stayed up until 2:15 reading these entries since about… 12:15 only to find that they end without an ending :( and the author has seemed to go MIA!!!! COME BACK AND FINISH THESE STORIES ARE AMAZING!!!
April 24th, 2008 at 10:27 am
Three months and eight days. And counting. And that doesn’t count since the last It’s Not a Date post. That’s four months and twelve days.
Please stop making us go through withdrawal!
April 27th, 2008 at 3:28 pm
Why has there not been a post for over 3 months :O
I’m honestly starting to become more awkward around girls (mostly the one girl) without the constant flow of advice I inadvertantly pick up from your blogs
Please write another entry :)
In the middle of my own HCE story here and I could use more advice from you :)
Thank you :):)
April 29th, 2008 at 11:00 am
Dude, unless you’ve spent the past 3 and a half months in a coma, there’s no excuse for this kind of absence. You really need to get on the ball. You can’t just leave us hanging like this. If you have a story to tell, then it’s your moral obligation to share it with your loyal fans. Get on it, Mister.
We miss you.
May 1st, 2008 at 11:50 am
Dude, haven’t you been reading your comments? Your loyal fans need a dose of Awkward!!!!
-I hope all is well with you. :)
May 5th, 2008 at 7:56 pm
Hi- We’re waiting anxiously for more awkwardness. If you could post and say, “I’m still here and I’ll eventually get back with you guys,” that would be great. If you’re done posting, please let us know! Thanks very much,
Loyal Fans of ATISTG
May 5th, 2008 at 11:22 pm
Please update soon. I miss you. We all miss you. I am stuck in a state of my own sorrowfully awkward…life. Your posts give me confidence to embrace my awkwardness! A new post could actually be a bigger highlight in my life than the fact that my junior year is about two weeks from closing.
I seriously hope no tragic/life-threatening/world-shattering event has occurred in your life since your last post.
May 5th, 2008 at 11:47 pm
Ha! You kids are sweet. I’ll be back, don’t worry.
May 6th, 2008 at 9:10 am
Woo! Looking forward to it :)
May 13th, 2008 at 2:11 am
…I think I love you. (but what am I so afraid of…? Oh, I bet song lyrics are an awkward thing to say to girls, especially if they don’t recognize them, and then you stutter, “uh, well, it’s a song.” Okay that was an awkward beginning. See, I’m learning.)
And I don’t say this lightly, although I say it a lot– I somehow got to this by either goggling “friends cuddling” or some other bizarre thing like that and it was the best thing that ever happened to me (online). I’ve just spent two hours reading every post you’ve made, starting with the whole It’s Not a Date series. It’s like, I dunno, like you happen to live a composite life of every moderately intelligent decent human being who cares and somehow, you convince me that you have the answers to all of life’s problems, even though I know that no one can.
So thanks for everything. Please keep writing. I adore you. I hope you get a girlfriend you’ll open that champagne with, if you haven’t already.
May 17th, 2008 at 11:28 am
I think I’m awkwardly in love with you. Okay, I know that sounds creepy, but I find your awkwardness strangely appealing.
May 17th, 2008 at 11:28 am
Oh and I just realized the girl above me said the same thing. How awkward.