Awkward Things I Say To Girls


I hope we can still be friends.

Uh, hey.

Look, I know it’s been a while, and I know I didn’t call or write, and I’m sorry. Though it’s little consolation, I want you to know that I thought about you constantly. I only saw other people like half a dozen times, and frankly I didn’t enjoy it and missed you.

There were lots of reasons not to write the blog, virtually none of which I can describe in detail without continuing the extended metaphor much further than is approved by the FDA for human daily allowance of metaphor. However, I do realize that I won’t get out of this week’s blog post alive without hitting three more things:

  1. Yes, I am 100% single.
  2. INAD resumes in a week. Buckle up.
  3. I swear I wrote an awkward thing for today, but I can’t for the life of me figure out where the hell I saved it. But I promised myself that I’d post about girls today, and post I shall. Here’s a brief little vignette that I jotted down on a business trip a while ago.

I leaned forward. She looked up at me.

“Let’s build a campfire right here between these benches,” I said to her. She shivered and giggled. “We’ll get some marshmallows and sticks and camp out. Are you in?”

She nodded and giggled again. “Once, when the power was out, I roasted a marshmallow with a candle! It took like an hour.”

She was another single serving friend from the airport, a cute and bubbly freckled blonde sophomore engineer at Lehigh who was trying to get to Allentown, departing gate F17. She wore purple but liked pink. I was on my way back from recruiting in Cleveland, departing to Richmond from gate F16. We were both trapped in Philadelphia for an hour and a half with nothing to do but pretend to ignore each other when we weren’t subtly flirting, not for keeps but just for the hell of it. It sure beats not quite making eye contact with anyone while hoping to get out of the stupid airport.

I’m not even going to pretend that this post was about how I talked to a random person, humanity was connected together, how happy we’d be if we understood strangers, and so forth. I mean, it originally was about that. How we should reach out as a country to our brother man and lift him up.

Seriously. Lets be honest with ourselves. If you have a floral skirt on and smile a lot, you’re a lot more interesting to me than my brother man.

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