The Indians weren’t that good then, either.
Part 4 of 5, Chapter 19
My whole world was just about complete.
Well, except for that HCE wasn’t actually really dating me. Yet. We went out on weekends and saw movies and had dinner, and we chatted online constantly and talked on the phone, plus we wrote notes to each other in class in the form of haikus where we told each other that the other one was cute. But, other than that, no. We weren’t dating.
Plus, I was busy limping out of school with the minimum possible academic performance. If collegiate (and subsequent) experience has taught me anything, it is this: if something comes so easily to you that you can rush through your homework and never study, which to you is a fantastic deal because you don’t really enjoy it much and want to get on to something else as soon as possible, that thing is not the sort of thing that you’d best choose as a major in college. “Wow,” you want to say of your chosen field. “I could listen to old people drone about this subject for hours! Then I want to rush to the bookstore and drop hundreds of dollars on hardback books about it that I will want to actually kind of skim!” If that is not you, then I hope you either prefer used books, or you are good at forcing yourself to do things that you find at least mildly unpleasant, which frankly is a useful skill that you wish I would acquire so that you could actually read this blog instead of refreshing it in vain. Well, college also taught me that wings and beer go great together.
Oh, there were other details. The Cavs lost a ridiculous number of basketball games. Winter in Cleveland aimed a few final kicks into Spring’s gut as she lay curled in pain on a Parma sidewalk before he took her purse, turned, and stumbled off, drunk, to sleep off another hangover. I was not getting any better at knitting.
But other than that, HCE was single, and I was single, and we spent all our time together, and so what could go wrong?
—
“I don’t think this boy is going to come make out with me,” HCE said.
Whoa. What? This wasn’t one of our typical conversations about ex-boyfriends, ex-girlfriends, sex, literature, movies, school, politics, activism, dating, the campus newspaper, the administration, public displays of affection, private displays of affection, music, our childhoods, sports, board games, liquor, parties, Cleveland, fashion, or anything having anything to do with what we’re doing this weekend. I was on new ground and completely lost.
“Boy?” I said, playing it cool.
“The one from our softball team. I told him I wanted him to come make out with me, and I don’t know what I’m going to do if he doesn’t.”
I can think of a few ideas that I’d like to try, I thought. The filter let it through. “I can think of a few ideas that I’d like to try,” I said.
“No, you stay put. How’m I supposed to make out with him if he shows up and you’re here?”
You’re not supposed to make out with him, you’re supposed to make out with me, a fact which I will share with him emphatically if he needs convincing, I thought. The filter caught this one. “Okay,” I said, confused. Maybe she needs a rebound makeout. It isn’t as though I’m going anywhere.
June 10th, 2008 at 6:08 am
woo you’re back =]
June 10th, 2008 at 6:46 am
Ouch. Can’t think of much more to say to that.
June 10th, 2008 at 7:04 am
Justin! I’m glad you’re back and sticking to the schedule.
If I’d been your friend at the time of this story (and if you’d had time to share you hopes & dreams with a girl other than HCE), this is probably the time at which I would have forced you to face the fact that either you are a hopeless optimist or a undiagnosed masochist (or perhaps both!). Assuming you still wanted to talk to me after that, I would then have helped you work out some sort of HCE-weaning program… Cause this girl is obviously not doing you any kind of good, even now (except perhaps for providing some fascinating material for this story).
On a side note, the secret to avoiding futile frustrating repeated refreshing is RSS Feeds. It’s gotten me through these long, lonely months…
June 10th, 2008 at 9:41 am
At this point you are just looking desperate (in the story). I also would tell anyone in this circumstance to cut all ties and find someone else — it’s clear this is only going to lead to further heartbreak.
But of course I’ll keep reading. :)
June 10th, 2008 at 12:18 pm
You’re obviously in like, maybe in love.
Careful about emotions with best friends, you might think they’re amazing and want to lemakeout, but i know better from experience. It’s way too much drama to do such things with a best friend. From my past i’d suggest drinking and then hooking up, that way you can blame it on the spirits if she’s not all about it. [Of course it also makes for more issues, but at least you get your like/lust out of the way and figure out if it's more than 9th grade emotion.]
Good luck, keep us informed.
June 10th, 2008 at 12:33 pm
You’re starting to scare me. Everything you’ve written is just freakishly similar to my situation. Could it be that you’re a future me and I’ve stumbled upon this website as a warning? Are you telling me to get out while I still can? If so, I can’t. I’m in too deep. If not, I feel your pain (or the pain you once felt if you’re not feeling it anymore). Maybe you’re playing a joke on us all and you’re actually with this girl now, meaning there would be hope for me (there’s not).
June 10th, 2008 at 5:26 pm
Oh Justin, thanks so much for posting this Tuesday and feeding my awkward addiction. As always, loved this new chapter of the INAD saga, I foresee a big downward spiral though. I just hope the thought filter you developed in this part doesn’t stick around. I mean, how are you going to continue saying completely awkward things to girls if this pesky filter is going to be shooting them down. LOL. Looking forward to the next post.
June 10th, 2008 at 6:41 pm
oh nooo!
June 10th, 2008 at 7:26 pm
have you ever looked at the filter as if it had malfunctioned all the years and that is why there was all the awkwardnesses (yeaaahh)… keep on keepin’ on. hah.
June 10th, 2008 at 10:59 pm
arghneh
June 11th, 2008 at 8:28 pm
I was busy limping out of school with the minimum possible academic performance
i feel you there. i’m in the process of doing just that.
what was your major?
June 12th, 2008 at 7:13 am
Man thats called cutting your balls out and hanging them out to dry.
June 12th, 2008 at 11:54 pm
Man Seriousily, you must have lots of HP (hit points for non-gamers out there) to still stick in there after taking blow after blow, and don’t know how your poor bleeding heart takes it all. I’m so completely hooked.
June 14th, 2008 at 10:19 am
Am I the only one who noticed this? Last post was 4 of 5 chapter 18, this one is 4 of 5 chapter 19. Where did 5 of 5 chapter 18 and the first 3 parts of chapter 19 go?
June 15th, 2008 at 8:16 am
No, no, Each part has different chapters, I think.
Justin, jeez, let her go! She’s a total bitch!
June 16th, 2008 at 10:57 pm
Just lay one on her
June 17th, 2008 at 7:52 pm
Parts vs. Chapters
Every single INAD blog entry is it’s own complete chapter. The chapters are NOT broken down into smaller sections. However, the story as a whole is. The whole entire story is broken down into 5 different parts. Here’s a breakdown:
Part 1: Meeting HCE (Part 1 consists of chapters 1-6)
Part 2: Summer in Michigan (consists of chapters 7-9)
Part 3: In Love, but HCE Has a BF (chapters 10-17)
Part 4: HCE is Single, Time to Make Out (chapters 18-??)
Part 5*: Devastated and Broken Hearted (chapters ??-??)
So you see, this is all of chapter 19. There are no missing sections. As a whole story though we are in part 4 of 5. Hope this helps. Also, Justin, feel free to correct me if I misinterpreted what a particular Part was suppose to be about.
*Obviously I’m completely guessing what Part 5 will be about, but based on my own personal experience, for I had a scaringly similar relationship in college, I foresee this ending badly.
June 17th, 2008 at 8:03 pm
Oh, also Justin, I want you to know you made me very very sad today. Here it is Tuesday and no new blog entry. Cry :’(.
June 19th, 2008 at 10:53 am
Aww, I’ve followed this blog for a while, and I just love it. It’s so quirky and fun. Keep up the awkwardness. :)
Oh, and I completely get how you can still have so much hope concerning HCE. I have one of those for myself, only in male form. So keep going for it, becuase your hope gives me hope for my guy! lol
June 23rd, 2008 at 3:07 pm
Jesus, I just wasted an hour and a half reading your blog.
You are my new freaking hero.
no lie.
Me and my boyfriend had just broken up and your awkwardness has already gotten me out of depression.
I love you.
Write more!
July 2nd, 2008 at 12:54 pm
I agree with Ashley. I similary went through a recent breakup and the blog was a form of cartharsis.
You have to be one of the most compelling writers that I have ever read. Your unabashed truthfulness is refreshing and inspiring, and is relatable to many. I hope that one day you become a novelist so that we can further experience your technique.
In the meantime, keep the story coming!!
July 2nd, 2008 at 2:37 pm
why do you keep abandoning us?
write morreeee =]
(please)
July 3rd, 2008 at 2:53 pm
welcome back!!!!!!!
love ur blog >
July 7th, 2008 at 11:13 am
the last few entries have really lacked that teen angst I had come to admire in your writing. if you’re bored with it, end it.
July 7th, 2008 at 12:58 pm
A friend of mine had linked me to your blog and I’m finding myself saying “wow, I can totally relate”.
July 7th, 2008 at 12:59 pm
To finish the thought from the first post (wherein the enter key was accidentally hit), I can’t wait to read more whenever you start posting again.
July 11th, 2008 at 8:15 am
Your blog was referred to me by a friend…and I guess, the Dawson’s Creek scenario has puntuated more people’s lives than one would think, but your articulation of it kicks serious ass…I feel for you dude…good luck and should all else fail, refer “her” to the site in your final “down in flames” moment…hope you blog soon
July 12th, 2008 at 11:33 am
come on!!! how am i supposed to feel better about my own awkward existence without a new installment!? (btw you are the inspiration for my own latest blog entry. you’re famous!)
July 15th, 2008 at 8:04 pm
Come ONNN Justin!
Waiting for a new entry, and nothing is coming… Its been like a month!!
AGH! I can’t even handle it, it’s an injustice to your massive fanbase!
July 16th, 2008 at 8:14 pm
please keep writing!! :)
July 18th, 2008 at 3:48 pm
I do not have the gumption or level of internet privacy to blog about my love life. But I will say one thing– SPOT ON. It’s like watching my life spiral, except I’m not a boy and I have the wicked, wicked powers of femininity to keep me walking on water.
Glad to see you’ve been blogging. I switched over to blogspot because it’s easier to edit HTML that way and I wanted to punch WordPress in its goddamn mouth.
Visit me. It’s lonely. And there are bears.
July 21st, 2008 at 12:26 pm
Where d’you dissapear to? Thought you were planning on entertaining us more regularly than this :P
July 24th, 2008 at 11:54 am
On the real. Lay on the heartbreak. Hurry up.
July 28th, 2008 at 7:42 am
i stumbled upon your blog one day when there wasn’t anything new on rvanews. i have now read every post and am officially in love with you/r blog. work is unbearable without you, please update!
August 6th, 2008 at 8:01 pm
Dude, you have enterred the friends zone, better find a new girlfriend to be.
August 13th, 2008 at 1:42 pm
WRITE MORE! :(
ITS BEEN SO LONG
August 14th, 2008 at 3:18 pm
Where are you?
i chose not to
write in the form
of haiku
August 15th, 2008 at 4:12 pm
For the love of GOD please UPDATE!!
August 16th, 2008 at 4:41 am
So around 3 in the morning.. About 2 and a half hours ago I googled “awkward” and came across your blog. Sat here and read it and I’m hooked! Write more :(
August 22nd, 2008 at 3:23 pm
Somebody figured out he has all these addicted readers and has decided to write a novel or something instead of blog fo’ free. Cash in like the “Stuff White People Like” dude. Justin wants to get paid for being played.
August 25th, 2008 at 10:24 pm
My HCE just called last night to casually inform me that she is now ENGAGED. Justin, please take pity and drop us all a line. I could use some cheering up by feeling just as bad for you as I do myself.
September 10th, 2008 at 10:48 am
…and then????
September 16th, 2008 at 2:04 pm
FOR THE LOVE OF GOD UPDATE
September 21st, 2008 at 12:41 pm
Once upon a time, there was a blogger with a ton of potential. But he was a wanker and left all his readers hanging.
September 23rd, 2008 at 3:50 pm
++
I think we kinda get the point here ay ..
Just finish write the rest of the story ..
I’ll chip in my 2 cents. :)
September 23rd, 2008 at 3:51 pm
damn my spelling.
September 28th, 2008 at 12:13 pm
The following is an AIM conversation I had with a friend regarding how I stumbled across this awesome blog. I am PhilosophyBadass. Enjoy:
Tdpierso (1:01:05 PM): Seriously how do you find this shit
PhilosophyBadass (1:01:21 PM): the way I found this is epic
Tdpierso (1:01:28 PM): uh oh
PhilosophyBadass (1:01:30 PM): work was tremendously slow friday
Tdpierso (1:01:30 PM): lol
PhilosophyBadass (1:01:45 PM): and I was reading a story about a cat that looks like yoda on MSNBC
PhilosophyBadass (1:02:02 PM): which makes this epic already
Tdpierso (1:02:23 PM): heh
PhilosophyBadass (1:02:29 PM): and according to the story, this yoda cat was especially popular in chicago. like a local hero or something
PhilosophyBadass (1:02:47 PM): so I did a google search, figuring there might be a website devoted to yoda cat
Tdpierso (1:03:07 PM): yeah
PhilosophyBadass (1:03:39 PM): and I didn’t see anything. so, out of curiousity I did a google image search for yoda cat
PhilosophyBadass (1:03:53 PM): and strangely found a bunch of pictures of other cats that look like yoda
PhilosophyBadass (1:04:06 PM): and then I remembered that I have a picture of a dog dressed up as yoda
Tdpierso (1:04:17 PM): lol
PhilosophyBadass (1:04:19 PM): so I wondered if there were more pictures of dogs that look like yoda
PhilosophyBadass (1:04:28 PM): this is all 100% true, btw
PhilosophyBadass (1:04:38 PM): so i did a google search for yoda dogs
Tdpierso (1:04:55 PM): I believe you because I know how fucking big of a nerd you are, but continute
Tdpierso (1:04:59 PM): continue*
PhilosophyBadass (1:05:45 PM): and nearly all the results were the same picture I already have: http://images.google.com/images?rlz=1C1GGLS_en-USUS291&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8&q=yoda%20dog&um=1&sa=N&tab=wi
Tdpierso (1:06:01 PM): Yeah
PhilosophyBadass (1:06:31 PM): for some strange reason, the words underneat the 11th picture caught my attention: “…of that damn dog again – in fact”
PhilosophyBadass (1:06:42 PM): so i clicked on it
PhilosophyBadass (1:06:48 PM): http://images.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://redpandas.files.wordpress.com/2007/08/halloween-yoda-dog.jpg&imgrefurl=http://redpandas.wordpress.com/2007/08/02/julia-allison/&h=422&w=352&sz=74&hl=en&start=11&um=1&usg=__Pzk1ZFV5tDoB_tatxNmUxfhIxzQ=&tbnid=NE8R3r4tCKGSHM:&tbnh=126&tbnw=105&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dyoda%2Bdog%26um%3D1%26hl%3Den%26safe%3Doff%26rlz%3D1C1GGLS_en-USUS291%26sa%3DN
PhilosophyBadass (1:07:15 PM): and that’s when i saw the picture of the chick with great tits and all the nerds around her, which i thought was hilarious, and I needed to read more
Tdpierso (1:07:32 PM): hah
PhilosophyBadass (1:08:04 PM): so i read it, and thought it was funny, and as I was reading I noticed to the right a link to “Awkward Things I Say to Girls”, which sounded funny
PhilosophyBadass (1:08:53 PM): so clicked on that, and then saw the last entry, which was the last entry made about an epic story that rivals my lucy adventure, and i started reading that…and now I’m exploring the rest of the blog
October 6th, 2008 at 6:58 pm
WHERE DID YOU GO!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! (the punctuation adds to the effect)
I have been obsessed with this story since noon today, and cannot live without it. Please hurry up. I need this story. Please. I am desperate.
I really cannot believe that you have not updated. I am on the brink of making heartless death threats.
October 7th, 2008 at 4:22 pm
Aaron – yoda dog story is hilarious!
Justin, come on already, please?
October 18th, 2008 at 2:43 pm
Need….
More…
AWKWARDNESS!
Due to the fact that this blog hadn’t been posted on in FOREVER, I totally forgot about it until recently. So I came back. And read the two new posts (only 2! really?) . And now, I am totally addicted again. So, as I said…
Need…
More….
AWKWARDNESS!!
Please Justin, hurry.
October 19th, 2008 at 2:59 pm
Come
Back
Now
October 21st, 2008 at 8:03 pm
Did you fall into an internet-less pit or something? Flip, Justin.
I came here for the first time 2 days after your last post, read everything, and I’ve checked back daily and never anything new! When are you ever going to write? We all miss it dearly and I need some way to feel better about my current awkwardness…
Please Justin… We need you… more than I need quadratics in everyday life.. and that’s saying a lot!
October 23rd, 2008 at 11:49 am
Yeah, man. You really can’t keep us hanging like that.
October 26th, 2008 at 4:06 pm
Where are you?!
I miss this blog, so much……
Please please please just let us know you’re alive!
(I realize I probably sound like someone’s mother right now, but I LOVED THE AWKWARDNESS)
November 2nd, 2008 at 12:35 pm
He’s dead, Jim.
November 3rd, 2008 at 4:45 am
HELLO! It’s November now. PLEEEEEEEEEASE update us on your life!! It’s been way too long! :(
November 10th, 2008 at 2:11 pm
You realize it’s now been 5 full months with no new posts. What gives Justin? I guess you don’t love your blog followers anymore. :-( I understand if your tired of blogging but at least give us an ending. Don’t just leave us hanging. Please write more soon. Pretty please…with a cherry on top.
November 10th, 2008 at 8:49 pm
Whatever happened to posting every tuesday?
November 12th, 2008 at 1:08 am
FUCK MY LIFE
I NEED MORE
AWKWARD THINGS
IN ORDER TO LIVE
JUSTIN! UPDATE
I NEED TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS WITH YOU AND
HCE!!!!!!
November 13th, 2008 at 1:05 am
WTF.
Post more PLEASE.
:(
mad love from Kingston!
November 18th, 2008 at 5:13 am
One word..ALPHA MALE!…when it comes down to it human beings are animals inspite of our gift or curse of freedom of choice there are some things we cant choose.How we feel, Who we fall stupendeslly inlove with an desires. That having been said she is like any of us an animal. you need to put yourself in a position were she percieves you as the most attractive male around. I`m not saying grunt and bark, beat your chest and display your feathers….wait actually I am, but figuratively. There qualities in you that she likes you need her to now find those qualities attractive, fluff your feathers. How you go about this ,however, is up to you. Good luck old boy.
November 18th, 2008 at 7:55 am
May I just say, that as a girl who says awkward things to, well, everyone, boys, girls, friends, and family, but always to cute boys, you’ve given me hope that one day I will find a boy who not only absorbs the awkward things I say, but returns them with an awkward passion. That being said, now that I’m caught up, write a new post already!
November 22nd, 2008 at 10:14 pm
You……..must………..write……….MORE. The lack of awkwardness is killing me.
November 25th, 2008 at 12:52 pm
I think we just need to give him some time. I’m sure these are difficult to write, for a few reasons. I’ll wait patiently for your return, Justin!
November 26th, 2008 at 5:42 am
the movie rights have been procured and he is saving the ending to get his final retribution… well thats what i would do if i had written something this captivating, instead of the majority of drivel i write right now.
but i agree bring some closure homes.
November 26th, 2008 at 10:15 pm
Posting to agree with the rest of your readers. Still looking forward to your next post. Waiting sucks, but I keep telling myself that it’ll be worth the wait. I know you won’t let us down!
November 28th, 2008 at 9:09 pm
Justin,
Never posting but still awkward I’m assuming?
I just had to giggle at your idea of what makes the perfect subject for someone to choose as a major in college. I’ve started Philosophy this year and I have to say: I don’t think any human being is CAPABLE of sitting quietly (with absolute concentration and excitement no less) as a seventy year old man, whose face seems to be crumbling into dust, talks about the intricacy of arguments of the non-monotinicity variety (incidentally I also can’t help but giggle about the fact that monotinicity looks and sounds quite similar to monotony!).
I’ve missed you. I hope the job is going okay (I haven’t done a run through of all the entries I’ve missed in the last year or so; don’t sue me if you’ve done something exciting and left it or shaved your head). Looks like you haven’t been around for a while so you might not even notice my message… Just wanted to see how life was treating you, perhaps if you remembered me?
I assume you probably won’t, you do have legions of fans, but I don’t mind so much. I’m too busy trying to work out why Kant felt the need to issue categorical imperatives… apparently humanity doesn’t always WANT to do the morally right thing so we must be commanded to by an objective rule… I don’t really think that would make things all that much easier.
Look after yourself.
xxx xxx
November 29th, 2008 at 2:59 pm
I think this blog is dead- too bad! Justin, you’ve had so much success with your readers, but it’s a terrible injustice to drop off the face of the planet. I’ll check back next year, maybe.
December 7th, 2008 at 3:58 pm
Did you ever get anywhere with her? I need to read a whole butt load of stuff on your site. This reminds me of so many girl failures I’ve had.
December 9th, 2008 at 10:01 pm
I’m so sad that I didn’t find this until you had stopped for half a year. Please don’t stop sharing.
December 15th, 2008 at 4:30 pm
I found your blog by googling awkward. Old post, but did you ever figure out that girls start these types of conversations for attention? They WANT you to say “what about me.” There is no reality that actually exists beyond the 10th grade where women truly believe that there it is normal behavior to spend all of your time with the opposite sex solely for the purpose of friendship. True, she likely didn’t tell anyone to come make out with her and she fabricated the whole thing out of her frustration towards your inability to “seal the deal” with her.
December 19th, 2008 at 3:40 pm
My Word Justin please come back and let us know what happened! Me and Mike here need answers!
December 22nd, 2008 at 5:50 pm
Holy fuck. You CAN’T leave it hanging like that! You can’t. OMG. nooooooooo!
January 4th, 2009 at 12:56 pm
Hey!!
Aha this is the most amazing thing i’ve ever read!
Please post more ? It would be an amazing new years treat:)
January 9th, 2009 at 2:14 am
Come back, Justin!
January 13th, 2009 at 12:57 am
JUSTIN!!! WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU/?????? WE ARE GETTING DESPERATE HERE!!!!!! COME BACK AND POST SOME MORE!!!
January 15th, 2009 at 2:55 am
Totally hooked and just discovered this blog today.
Hopefully you complete this HCE story.
Will continue to check back for a possible update even though it now looks very unlikely.
.. Talk about cliffhanger.
January 18th, 2009 at 7:20 pm
Are you ever coming back? Reading this reminds me of all my own awkward moments… I say embrace them….then write about them…more…
February 3rd, 2009 at 2:16 pm
Pleasepleasepleaseplease
We miss you
Are you alright?
February 8th, 2009 at 7:27 pm
psst i kind of miss you and your carefully constructed euphemisms
February 10th, 2009 at 12:58 pm
http://jackgoesforth.blogspot.com/2009/02/robot-hearts-7.html
Justin writes!
March 27th, 2009 at 12:27 pm
I just finished reading every single post on your blog over the course of the past couple days. From Tuesday October 17th, 2006 to present. If that isn’t enough of a compliment as is, then I’ll happily say that you are a fantastic writer, something of which I am quite jealous. I hope you’re either satisfied with your current level of literary recognition, or are one day paid for this. Seriously wonderful stuff, I sincerely hope you continue to post consistently because I was just satiated with your writing, and if I don’t have more soon I will surely experience a period of withdrawal. you’re good at what you do. soldier on.
March 27th, 2009 at 12:31 pm
I just realized you haven’t posted for nearly a year. That doesn’t bode well for the end of this story does it?
April 7th, 2009 at 7:15 am
It’s 2009 now… it’s okay, you can come out of your bomb shelter… the world did NOT in fact end, just Obama became president
April 26th, 2009 at 7:34 am
Nothing new? Really? Okay…
May 7th, 2009 at 8:15 pm
been almost a year, Im dying out here. write something please!!
July 7th, 2009 at 10:14 pm
“You’re not supposed to make out with him, you’re supposed to make out with me, a fact which I will share with him emphatically if he needs convincing, I thought. The filter caught this one. ”
Should’ve let it through. She’d just have laughed it off, though.
July 7th, 2009 at 10:17 pm
AARGH! Why is this blog defunct? We NEED the end of the story!
Evil, absolutely evil!
July 15th, 2009 at 12:26 am
It’s been over a year. Really, did you have to stop? Your story is honestly intriguing, and your writing is excellent. I just stumbled over this blog, and I’m hooked. So, how did it go with this girl?!
July 21st, 2009 at 12:04 pm
For shame. I miss the days when I could read about your awkward adventures in the land of affection. I hope you breathe some new life into this site with your stories eventually.
July 23rd, 2009 at 11:52 pm
wow more than a year without a update ….. guess we’ll never hear the nd of the story now :(